How to Control Anger in 8 Steps

Managing anger doesn’t mean ignoring it—it means understanding it and responding in healthier ways.

1. Recognize Early Signs

Anger builds up—learn to catch it early. Watch for:

• Clenched jaw or fists
• Tight chest
• Fast heartbeat
• Feeling hot or restless
• Thoughts like “This isn’t fair!” or “They always do this!”

Tip: Noticing these signs early gives you time to respond, not react.

2. Pause before Reacting

• Give yourself a moment to not respond. Take a deep breath. Step away if needed. Count to 10.
• A pause gives your brain space to choose a better response instead of lashing out.

3. Breathe and Ground Yourself

Use calming techniques like:

• Deep breathing (inhale for 4, exhale for 6)
• Grounding: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste.
• Stretch or go for a short walk
• This calms the nervous system and brings you back to the present moment.

4. Identify the Real Emotion

Often, anger is a mask. Underneath it might be:

• Hurt
• Fear
• Embarrassment
• Frustration

Ask yourself: “What’s really bothering me?”

5. Change the Story in Your Head

• Challenge angry thoughts like:
• “They did that on purpose.”
• “I always get treated unfairly.”

Try replacing them with:

• “Maybe they didn’t mean to upset me.”
• “I can handle this without losing control.”

6. Communicate Assertively, Not Aggressively

Use “I” statements to express yourself without blame:

• ❌ “You never listen to me!”
• ✅ “I feel frustrated when I’m not heard.”
• Stay calm, clear, and respectful—even when setting boundaries.

7. Choose Healthy Outlets

Find ways to release built-up anger:

• Exercise
• Journaling
• Talking to someone you trust
• Art, music, or creative expression
• Avoid numbing with substances or bottling it up.

8. Seek Support When Needed

If anger feels out of control, or it’s hurting your relationships, work, or health, reach out:

• A counsellor or therapist
• Anger management programs
• Support groups
• There’s no shame in asking for help. It’s a strength.

Anger is a normal emotion—but how you handle it defines your power.  You can learn to manage it and respond in ways that protect your peace, not destroy it.